As a teenager, I am probably in one of the strongest positions to exggerate about my current place in life. Right now, 'emotionally unstable' would be a very accurate phrase to describe me. Thinking about how far we have come into the year (5 months, guys!) and how quickly time is creeping up on us, I'm finding myself more and more warped with thoughts, rather than actions. I cannot help but think, and think and think. What's going to become of my youthful life? Am I mature enough? Should I still be considering this my childhood and refrain from growing up so fast? Who knows. I guess we all do sub-conciously; digging it up is a lot easier said than done, and such a challenge would be daunting, to say the least. I don't believe I could cope with my real-self, right now. As much as I constantly argue with my mind about who I am, questioning every little detail and looking at myself in the view of others, being reaffirmed of the exact person you are seems a little too much for me. I believe it is difficult to remain as one exact being, if at all possible. We change throughout our lives, and that is the beauty of it. Providing it's for the better, of course.
Over the past week or so, I have to admit, I haven't quite been myself (whatever that may be). I feel I've been caught up in the moment and craving a thrill. No, I'm not twilighting myself into a Bella. Throughout my life I've been very aware of things and that has only made me mature much faster than others; as a child, I refused to leave my mother's side, and for that reason, I would be the 'little one' alongside her friendship group, talking about my Barbies with them. Now I've reached the point where I am at the age to go out and do many more things, and because it's all shiny and new, I have found it driving me further and further away from my sole goals that I've clinged on to for my entire life. University has been a prospect programmed into my mind from a young age, and it is all I have ever wanted. But growing up and finding yourself, along with making important life decisions and experiencing new things just seems all too much. I feel very much alone in this as I fail to see anyone else around me struggling, going to a Grammar school compact with hard workers and high achievers, I feel out in the cold and not on the same wavelength. Is this just a teenage dilemma or something I choose to express while others keep it trapped inside, fearing the response of others if they dare speak out?
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