Saturday, 29 May 2010
Friday, 28 May 2010
In The Midst Of The Dreaded E-Word
This is perfectly innocent, and my dreaded 'E-Word' would what I would often refer to as hell; for some of you who do not share like-mindedness, it is exams. They're horrible! I can't say I have performed particularly well in the exams I have had to sit this week and the growth of pessimism is steadily brewing in my mind. My once positive and constantly upbeat mood is now short-lived, and my urge to snap at people or be easily offended has been quick to take over. Tell me; do all teens endure this painful sense of uncontrollable happenings, and if so, is it heightened around the exam period?
Entering my first exam, nerves soon gained full control of my bodily movements and I began to fidget, unwillingly. The clock struck 9 (a.m.) and we were given the heads up - 'girls, you may now begin'. I could have easily sat there for multiple, consecutive hours, until they voiced the word start that would soon trigger the frantic page-turning and pen movements. Staring at the carefully selected questions, I searched to locate my topic - finally, American Civil Rights! But that was not all. No, this was just the beginning. Flicking through and skimming my wide eyes across the page, I located the other question. The topic? Russia. I cannot say I was thrilled, though I was very aware this would be creeping up on me. Sitting there attempting to gather my thoughts in order to produce a detailed plan to go by, the clock urgently ticked. Never has time flown by so quickly in my entire life. Breathless and curious to how far everyone else may have got in comparison to my anxious self, I pressed black, ballpoint pen to paper and started to write. 'Please finish the sentence you are on and close your booklets'; a sigh of relief, you would have thought? No. Not at all. Without regurgitating all my detailed facts of knowledge onto the paper in the amount of time set, I dispiritedly handed over my paper. One thing I can genuinely detest in this world, is the overwhelming sense of uselessness when you enter an exam room and don't perform to your absolute best abilities. It is something I will constantly battle in an attempt to work on. Confidence - I welcome you with open arms!
An English Literature and Language exam followed, the next day. The starting time? 1 p.m. This time I woke up feeling slightly more relaxed and a great deal more confident. Perhaps this was the wrong was to go about it, and the much needed 'fight or flight' response (for those Psychology students among you) would have given me a far more active mind. I can now honestly state that entering an exam being quite calm because you know the conversation and literary terminology, while perceiving yourself as 'safe' because you're an avid reader is not, I repeat, not a good approach nor a sensible one, at that. One crucial thing I avoided at all costs was applying my knowledge to a question and tailoring it suitably - this I only concentrated on as homework and in school, and did little of it out of school. So, listen up girls and boys - practice, practice, practice!
As for the half-term that I'm so grateful is here, it will be spent revising, as much as possible, in a bid to up the ante for my upcoming exams in preparation for being greeted with five in a mere four days, upon my return! Thankfully The Times is predicting a nice Bank Holiday Monday, and with that, I will end my blog on a high-note!
Entering my first exam, nerves soon gained full control of my bodily movements and I began to fidget, unwillingly. The clock struck 9 (a.m.) and we were given the heads up - 'girls, you may now begin'. I could have easily sat there for multiple, consecutive hours, until they voiced the word start that would soon trigger the frantic page-turning and pen movements. Staring at the carefully selected questions, I searched to locate my topic - finally, American Civil Rights! But that was not all. No, this was just the beginning. Flicking through and skimming my wide eyes across the page, I located the other question. The topic? Russia. I cannot say I was thrilled, though I was very aware this would be creeping up on me. Sitting there attempting to gather my thoughts in order to produce a detailed plan to go by, the clock urgently ticked. Never has time flown by so quickly in my entire life. Breathless and curious to how far everyone else may have got in comparison to my anxious self, I pressed black, ballpoint pen to paper and started to write. 'Please finish the sentence you are on and close your booklets'; a sigh of relief, you would have thought? No. Not at all. Without regurgitating all my detailed facts of knowledge onto the paper in the amount of time set, I dispiritedly handed over my paper. One thing I can genuinely detest in this world, is the overwhelming sense of uselessness when you enter an exam room and don't perform to your absolute best abilities. It is something I will constantly battle in an attempt to work on. Confidence - I welcome you with open arms!
An English Literature and Language exam followed, the next day. The starting time? 1 p.m. This time I woke up feeling slightly more relaxed and a great deal more confident. Perhaps this was the wrong was to go about it, and the much needed 'fight or flight' response (for those Psychology students among you) would have given me a far more active mind. I can now honestly state that entering an exam being quite calm because you know the conversation and literary terminology, while perceiving yourself as 'safe' because you're an avid reader is not, I repeat, not a good approach nor a sensible one, at that. One crucial thing I avoided at all costs was applying my knowledge to a question and tailoring it suitably - this I only concentrated on as homework and in school, and did little of it out of school. So, listen up girls and boys - practice, practice, practice!
As for the half-term that I'm so grateful is here, it will be spent revising, as much as possible, in a bid to up the ante for my upcoming exams in preparation for being greeted with five in a mere four days, upon my return! Thankfully The Times is predicting a nice Bank Holiday Monday, and with that, I will end my blog on a high-note!
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
So, here I am, sitting on the moss green leather chair in the corner of the room. Where does it happen to be right by? My old school photos. Four, carefully alligned memories of me in almost each year during my time at The Folkestone School for Girls. In all honesty, it's heartwarming and upsetting, at the same time. In hindsight, I have done my fair share of premature growing up. I have never been one of those girls who is out every night grinding up against 'the lads'; that's not me. I have, however, matured psychologically, due to being constantly surrounded by those years my senior. Now I've reached the point where I am becoming what is considered 'an adult' and I'm not sure whether I want to reject it and prolong my childhood, a little longer. I miss the days where I could hang around town for hours on end with friends, or simply sit on The Leas with a drink from Mc Donalds taking pictures and having the time of my life. It's all going so fast.
With magazines such as Vogue, Look, Heat, Star and Elle available at-the-ready for anyone and everyone, teenage girls have never been so exposed to the adult culture of fashion, technology and womanly-gossip. We're all caught up in it. On coach journeys to University open-days, what's the first thing we grab (other than the iPod)? A fashion mag'. It has been installed into our vulnerable minds in the 21st century, and acting as a catalyst, it's speeding up our wants and needs. What girl wanted a pair of Ray Bans or the latest Miu Miu bag, thirty years ago? I wasn't around then but I'm guessing very few. Today, however, in the Sixth form I attend, girls are constantly wandering around in the new Ugg boots and Ray Bans. It's --the 'norm'. I have been consumed by the religion that is the fashion magazine, also. The most popular magazines out on a weekly basis (Tuesday) will be the ones I rush to WHSmith for and I narrow it down based on their contents; the one with the best items advertised, the doll-like models draped in gorgeous fabrics and accessories, and the one that offers a mild hint of 'how to live your life better'. And that is exactly what I look for, along with a bit of wit. I cannot help but think as time goes on, younger and younger girls (perhaps boys, too) will be consumed by this world of perfection and luxury. Only a year or so, I saw a story on Yahoo about the so-called 'Tweens' of today. What's next? We already have Suri and Katie Price's little Princess dressed tip-top in heels and designer handbags!
With magazines such as Vogue, Look, Heat, Star and Elle available at-the-ready for anyone and everyone, teenage girls have never been so exposed to the adult culture of fashion, technology and womanly-gossip. We're all caught up in it. On coach journeys to University open-days, what's the first thing we grab (other than the iPod)? A fashion mag'. It has been installed into our vulnerable minds in the 21st century, and acting as a catalyst, it's speeding up our wants and needs. What girl wanted a pair of Ray Bans or the latest Miu Miu bag, thirty years ago? I wasn't around then but I'm guessing very few. Today, however, in the Sixth form I attend, girls are constantly wandering around in the new Ugg boots and Ray Bans. It's --the 'norm'. I have been consumed by the religion that is the fashion magazine, also. The most popular magazines out on a weekly basis (Tuesday) will be the ones I rush to WHSmith for and I narrow it down based on their contents; the one with the best items advertised, the doll-like models draped in gorgeous fabrics and accessories, and the one that offers a mild hint of 'how to live your life better'. And that is exactly what I look for, along with a bit of wit. I cannot help but think as time goes on, younger and younger girls (perhaps boys, too) will be consumed by this world of perfection and luxury. Only a year or so, I saw a story on Yahoo about the so-called 'Tweens' of today. What's next? We already have Suri and Katie Price's little Princess dressed tip-top in heels and designer handbags!
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
Just A Phase
As a teenager, I am probably in one of the strongest positions to exggerate about my current place in life. Right now, 'emotionally unstable' would be a very accurate phrase to describe me. Thinking about how far we have come into the year (5 months, guys!) and how quickly time is creeping up on us, I'm finding myself more and more warped with thoughts, rather than actions. I cannot help but think, and think and think. What's going to become of my youthful life? Am I mature enough? Should I still be considering this my childhood and refrain from growing up so fast? Who knows. I guess we all do sub-conciously; digging it up is a lot easier said than done, and such a challenge would be daunting, to say the least. I don't believe I could cope with my real-self, right now. As much as I constantly argue with my mind about who I am, questioning every little detail and looking at myself in the view of others, being reaffirmed of the exact person you are seems a little too much for me. I believe it is difficult to remain as one exact being, if at all possible. We change throughout our lives, and that is the beauty of it. Providing it's for the better, of course.
Over the past week or so, I have to admit, I haven't quite been myself (whatever that may be). I feel I've been caught up in the moment and craving a thrill. No, I'm not twilighting myself into a Bella. Throughout my life I've been very aware of things and that has only made me mature much faster than others; as a child, I refused to leave my mother's side, and for that reason, I would be the 'little one' alongside her friendship group, talking about my Barbies with them. Now I've reached the point where I am at the age to go out and do many more things, and because it's all shiny and new, I have found it driving me further and further away from my sole goals that I've clinged on to for my entire life. University has been a prospect programmed into my mind from a young age, and it is all I have ever wanted. But growing up and finding yourself, along with making important life decisions and experiencing new things just seems all too much. I feel very much alone in this as I fail to see anyone else around me struggling, going to a Grammar school compact with hard workers and high achievers, I feel out in the cold and not on the same wavelength. Is this just a teenage dilemma or something I choose to express while others keep it trapped inside, fearing the response of others if they dare speak out?
Over the past week or so, I have to admit, I haven't quite been myself (whatever that may be). I feel I've been caught up in the moment and craving a thrill. No, I'm not twilighting myself into a Bella. Throughout my life I've been very aware of things and that has only made me mature much faster than others; as a child, I refused to leave my mother's side, and for that reason, I would be the 'little one' alongside her friendship group, talking about my Barbies with them. Now I've reached the point where I am at the age to go out and do many more things, and because it's all shiny and new, I have found it driving me further and further away from my sole goals that I've clinged on to for my entire life. University has been a prospect programmed into my mind from a young age, and it is all I have ever wanted. But growing up and finding yourself, along with making important life decisions and experiencing new things just seems all too much. I feel very much alone in this as I fail to see anyone else around me struggling, going to a Grammar school compact with hard workers and high achievers, I feel out in the cold and not on the same wavelength. Is this just a teenage dilemma or something I choose to express while others keep it trapped inside, fearing the response of others if they dare speak out?
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